June 20, 2004
Looking back on everything makes me sad...but i finally built up enough courage to go and see you. The one place i hate the place that makes me hurt so deaply. The place that we layed you to rest four years ago today. The place that i finally was able to bring myself to visit. The cemetary, where we layed my grandfather, my best friend, my gramps to rest.
Four years ago today was the sadest day of my life. the day i realized i would never be called dragalong again. the day i realized i would never garage sale or fleamarket again. the day i realized a huge part of me was gone. Four years ago today is one day i will never forget.
As i sat and watched a little leage baseball game in horton. I heard sirins, thought nothing of it. I came home to an emty house, thought nothing of it. Went to my neighbors and played dice, thought nothing of it. until my pops came to the door, eyes blood shot, i knew something wasnt right. The day i thought nothing of appers to clearly in my head. the day that i thought nothing of will be a day that lays in my head until i am layed to rest.
Now i sit and wonder. What would gramps think of this, or what would he do about that. I think and picture his advice or picture what he would do. I know that he would so proud of me, im in college the first one to go, and the first one determind to finish if it wasnt for him would i even be doing this? He never got to see me graduate high school, he wont see me graduate college, he wont be able to see me get married. all the things that i want him to be a part of so much are the things that i have to imagine and dream of. Four years ago today i gained my independce i gained my self vision, i gained a big part of who i am.
I know that it is one person but he had the biggest impact on my life, and i dont think i took advantage of it. I rember the day clearly but the part i dont rember is what brings me to tears. the part that i dont know the last time i saw him before that dreadful day. the one thing i live by now is expect the unexpect. Yea it is sad looking back and its hard. but i didnt do it alone, and thats what means alot to me. was there a reson that i waited? was it until i was happy with all asspects of life? i will never know...all i know is my gariden angel is watching over me, this year may be the four year marker, but next year will be five and so on and i feal like it will get easier in time.
Four years ago today
June 20, 2006
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8){kind=small}
cinny169's journal
calm
sad
happy